I’m not one to get home sick, never have been really. But today I am desperately homesick for a place I have never been. I am having trouble focusing at work because my thoughts are raptured to a place beyond this world. With every email that dings my inbox with useless questions about useless work I want to storm out of this office and never return. But our command is to occupy until He returns and for the moment anyway I am constrained by the harsh reality that it is for me to occupy this office.
Never the less my mind is not in this work, it is stolen away with the question, “Why are we still here?” Each passing day the detractors and skeptics become more resolved in their denial of God and the faith of another believer fails. Why does God wait?
The fact is that we are here because we fail to live the life we talk so much about. I’m guilty and so are you! I have been meditating on the message to Laodicea the last week or so. Particularly the early part of the message. So much time is spent focusing on the end of the message about faith and righteousness and the Holy Spirit that I think we often forget why that conversation is necessary. It is because when God looks at those who profess to believe in him in the world today it makes him want to vomit. That’s pretty powerful imagery. It is easy to excuse yourself from this group but the reality is that you can’t and neither can I. We make God sick.
So here I am feeling sick cause I want to go to heaven, faced with the reality that I am making God sick because I am not there. Not only am I not there but for all my heart ache I’m must not even be acting like I want to be there. At least that is the conviction that is on my heart right now. So now that feeling in my gut that was homesickness is becoming something else because I have been at this place before and the path I took pursuing perfection last time left me wanting. If that way didn’t get me where I needed to go then I am just a little frightened to discover what God’s estimation a remnant believer really is.
But for now I have to return to reality because the phone is ringing and the emails are piling up.